The Incredible Shrinking Pineapple

November 14, 2019

It’s been a long road, but it finally happened.

I have officially lost 100 pounds!

That’s right! A full three digits of human flesh has been deleted from my frame. And…I have mixed feelings about it.

It’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the amount of weight I’ve lost so far. And, in some ways, it’s even harder for me to face. Obviously, I’m excited and proud, but if I’m honest? I’m also a little ashamed.

Announcing where I am requires admitting where I was. And that part is hard. It’s hard to admit that I was so out of control that I allowed myself to be the equivalent of two adult humans.

It’s blurry, thankfully, but that’s me, second from the left. October 2014, appx. 265 lbs.

The Emotional Journey

As an ENTJ, I abhor weakness, but for many, many years, I was weak – an emotional eater, a recreational eater, a connoisseur of confections, I had no off-switch. If I wanted it, I ate it. And I ate it until it hurt – or until it was gone, whichever came first. I told myself it was my choice. I was in charge of what I ate and I could make this choice if I wanted to. And I was right. It was true. I was in charge. I was making the choice.

It sounds empowering, but really? I was just avoiding making the hard choice. I knew I wasn’t doing well. I felt gross most of the time, I kept gaining weight, and I didn’t feel attractive or healthy. But I pushed those negative feelings away and avoided thinking about them. I had excuses. So.many.excuses.

I was so good at this inner dialogue, I’d manage to forget my reality and delude myself into believing that nicer image that lived in my head. It worked great until fate stepped in and I’d catch a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface or in a picture and I would be shocked. “Who is that?…Oh.Wait.That’s ME?! I look like THAT?!” There were times I legitimately did not recognize myself because what I saw was so different from what I wanted to see.

Of course, I wanted everyone else to see what I pretended to see, so I managed my image. No pictures below the bust, wear clothes that cover up the belly and accentuate the boobs, stand with the hip popped and hand resting on it so you look “curvy”…There was a whole system. But, dude! Trying to distract people from the truth of my body was a full.time.job. And, of course, it didn’t work.

Yeah, blurry seems to be a thing here, but that’s me on the far left. February 2013

People didn’t see me in tiny, carefully cropped snapshots. Moving through life, they saw the whole me. I was the only one I fooled. I was the only one who didn’t see me.

The Food Journey

So how did I get here? Well, my weight loss journey didn’t initially start out as a weight loss journey. In fact, it started pragmatically. My family had recently moved and our finances weren’t what they once were and I realized…I need to eat less.

I stopped eating out as often and started cooking at home more. I ate smaller portions and rationed food resources. And I lost a little weight, about 25 pounds or so. That was nice. I felt good about that. I still had no idea how much more I needed to go…

Obviously an informal picture from the Christmas display at church. This was after the minor weight loss from not eating out as often. December 2016

Then, one day, a friend added me to a private Facebook group that was for friends who were exploring a low carb, high fat lifestyle. I audited the group for a while, not sure whether to engage in something as dramatic as giving up carbs. I mean…CARBS?! They were my life! I loved bread of all kinds and baked goods of all kinds and…okay, sugar. I loved sugar of all kinds.

But eventually I got to a point where I was just ready for a change. I can’t explain that. I think it’s like a lot of things in life. You just know when you know. I admitted to myself that I wasn’t happy with where I was and that I wanted something different, so I did something about it.

About a month after giving up grains and sugar. February 2017

At first, it was just giving up grains and sugar. Later, I added in potatoes and other starchy foods. No, I didn’t count carbs or calories. I only did those specific things. I did what I was ready to do. And the weight started to come off. Before I knew it, I was at about a 75 pound total loss.

Then I plateaued. For like 2 years.

But I felt so good about my progress, I didn’t mind. I thought, This is okay. I can live here forever. A few pounds up, a few pounds down…no biggie. But one day, I just couldn’t live there anymore. Again, I can’t explain it. I just knew I wasn’t content anymore. I faced where I was, knew it wasn’t where I wanted to be, and I had to come up with a plan for how I was going to get somewhere else.

The beginning of the long plateau. November 2017

The Physical Journey

I decided to start working out and, due to a friend’s posting about a free month of workouts, I ended up going to Camp Gladiator all summer. Then, when school started again, I needed something else – something more budget and schedule friendly for me. I switched over to Beachbody on Demand and kept working out.

First CG workout, June 2019 – Most recent CG workout, October 2019

I have been working out consistently (every day, except on trainer-designated “rest days”) for months now, and I have seen a huge change in my body. I have muscles I never had before. You guys, I have TRICEPS! Like…I can’t even.

You can’t actually see my triceps in this picture, but trust me, they’re there. November 14, 2019, 165 lbs

A few weeks in, my CG trainer mentioned an app called Carb Manager that keeps track of your macros and helps you stay within your target ranges for calories, fat, protein, and carbs. It was a game changer! Suddenly, I saw my calorie and carb intake as real numbers and knew right away why I had plateaued for two years! I made some changes and…BOOM! The weight started coming off.

No weight loss story would be complete without a bathroom selfie. Besides, my butt looked really good in that dress. October 2019

 

The Side-Effects

Of course, with all of this, not only did I get smaller, but BONUS! I also got more annoying. These days, I do things like…make people feel my triceps…use words like “macros”…take every opportunity to stretch out my hamstrings because OMG they’re killing me!…bring a bag of lettuce to restaurants so I can make wraps out of whatever food they have…(Look, I can’t do iceberg or romaine lettuce, okay? They hate me. It’s not my fault, but it does limit my choices. Just let it be.)

My other really exciting or annoying trait, depending on your view of it, is a complete addiction to motivational sayings. The only Beachbody trainer I’ve worked with (so far) is Autumn and she says so many brilliant things! At first, I was like…Please stop talking and just play some music or something. I don’t care about your quips. I’m dying.

But like three days in, I was hanging on her every word!

The motivation those sayings gave me extended to my ENTIRE life. Maybe it sounds weird, but when you finally feel like you have control over one area of your life, that confidence and empowerment spills over into other areas of your life. You realize that “If you want a change, you have to make a change,” and “You can do hard things,” are true and they apply to literally every area of life.

So here I am, making changes to my body, my nutrition, and my life in ways I won’t disclose just yet, but in big, significant ways. And I’m so glad I am! And no, I’m not done. I still have plenty of extra flesh that I’d like to banish to the outer darkness, but I’m working on it. I’m WORKING on it. I’ll say that one more time. I’M WORKING ON IT.

You got a problem with a work in progress? I didn’t think so.

The Take-Away

This process wasn’t magical and it wasn’t fast. It required intention and conviction and dedication and lots of time and sweat and, occasionally, tears. Because when I decided I wanted something different, I had to DO something different to get there.

Look, change is never easy and there’s no quick answer. It just requires you to be so dissatisfied with where you are and so full of hope for where you could be that you’re willing to undertake the journey. Living in change, that’s what I’m doing.

And you know what?

You can do it, too.

FORWARD!